MEMOIRS | LOVE & MARRIAGE | Guest Blogger, Chanderry
A friend ends an extended length relationship… a parent chooses the path of divorce… These are the times that we are living in today and, ironically, Lou Rawls’ “Love is a Hurtin’ Thing” just started playing on my playlist (I couldn’t make this up if I wanted too!)
When you realize that love is the greatest power that we have on this earth, you will begin to realize why relationships are coming under attack in this day & age. The old adage has always been to “Divide & Conquer”. What better way to attack the heart of love than to break up a happy home? Let’s just take a minute to recount some of the (alleged & proven) celebrity breakups that occurred this year…
Arnold Schwarzenegger & Maria Shriver
Marc Anthony & Jennifer Lopez
Ashton Kutcher & Demi Moore
Kobe Bryant & Vanessa Bryant
All of the mentioned break-ups occurred among couples that have been together for multiple years… Although Ashton & Demi started off as an unconventional relationship, they began to grow on people and their relationship was no longer looked upon as passé. But what happened? We can speculate and debate for days and days but I truly & sincerely believe that one or both parties within these couples simply lost their love for the relationship.
So, what is love? According to Merriam-Webster, love is described as three things:
- A strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
- Attraction based on sexual desire
- Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
Let’s take a minute to break this definition down:
A strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
In the old days, people would “Court”, or seek to gain each other’s affections, before even agreeing to call themselves a couple. Where did that go? Nowadays, people want to jump right in to relationships without even really knowing the other person (ahem, Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries…). What happened to truly getting to know each other and growing a “kinship” for each other before agreeing to be an actual couple? What stronger base can you possibly have for a successful relationship than kinship? If you start a relationship off with a strong affection for each other that arises out of kinship, you will always have that bond to fall back on through the rough patches.
Attraction based on sexual desire
We are all adults, right? Can we talk candidly?
Please notice that the definition states sexual DESIRE, not the real act… sex is a very important part of a relationship. If it weren’t important, God wouldn’t give us the drive that makes us want to have sex in the first place! You have, have, HAVE to have sexual desire for your partner to have a successful relationship. Kinship is only a third of the equation for love. With kinship you have communication, which is key, but with sexual desire, you have the second most important element in a relationship. I can’t stress enough how important sexual desire is… Again, I am not talking about the act I am talking about the desire to embark on the act with your partner in the first place! Anybody can have sex just by laying there and allowing the act to take place… there is no desire involved in being a “Dead Fish”… Sexual Desire elevates the act from being just “Sex” to being “Love Making”. Sexual desire is very important in a relationship! If one party in the relationship either loses their sexual desire for their partner or places their sexual desire with someone outside of the relationship, the relationship simply will not work… their heart will never exist in the core of the act…
Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
We discussed kinship (or communication) as well as sexual desire, now lets talk about affection. Affection is that tender feeling, or fondness, that you have for your partner; it is that warm & fuzzy feeling that you get when you think about your partner… Affection is as important as kinship and sexual desire. All three components go together with one another and come together to form that love that you have for the other person.
Now, my question is this… can we apply the lack of one or all of these components to the broken relationships that we discussed above? Did they begin to lose their kinship and, in turn, decrease their positive communication between each other? Did their sexual desire shift to someone outside of the relationship? Or did their affections switch from their partner to another person? One thing is for sure, without all three components – love simply cannot, completely, exist. When the love stops existing, the relationship quickly deteriorates…
My question for you is this… Do you believe in love?
In 2012 I am daring all of my couples, and folks hoping to soon be considered part of a couple, to believe in the true & purest form of love. I am daring you to develop and work to support the kinship required to truly be in love… To work on maintaining a healthy sexual desire for your partner… and to keep the affections for your partner at the forefront of your mind at all times. Let’s dare to believe in love and end the attack on relationships. Do you believe in love? I do!